Becoming a Father Again at 50
The prenatal classroom for the Frances Perry House hospital is across the road, in a character-free office block. In that location are biscuits and bad coffee. And maybe a dozen couples sitting in a room, watching a midwife method-act a nascency contraction. This is awkward for everybody, except apparently her, and so in that location is polite silence until she stops and asks us to introduce ourselves.
The script for every couple is the aforementioned: "How-do-you-do, our names are xxx and 30. We're at 22 weeks and this is our first kid. Nosotros're very excited and a little nervous."
Until information technology gets to me.
"Hi, I'k Nick and this is our first child together but I take ii older boys, and a 10-year-onetime stepson."
"Oh, that'due south lovely," says the midwife, recovering betwixt imaginary contractions. How much older are your boys, Nick?
"They're 25 and 22 years old."
The truly disappointing thing about that moment was my timing. If I'd just hung on for a moment earlier answering, bad coffee might accept splurted beyond the room or even out of the surprised nostrils of fledgling parents. Timing is of import.
Which is something I'thousand well aware of just at present, as I consider a 2d round of fatherhood, squarely on the wrong side of fifty. A mate Facebooked some shots of him and his grandson yesterday. Me? I'm rebelling confronting the concept of silver-fox empty nests, pre-retirement plans and world cruises. I'thou going around once more.
Information technology's not like this wasn't planned. From early in our relationship, I was pretty sure my future wife was very keen to have another child. If I wasn't up for that – which would not accept been unreasonable for a guy my age – I needed to be honest, say so and come across if that was a bargain-breaker. You lot can't bluff enthusiasm for fatherhood.
But, actually, the thought of raising a child together was more than heady than alarming. I've screwed up a lot of things in my time, just I am very proud of my adult sons, and consider them a Life Win.
Then the night came when I returned from playing ice hockey to notice a scavenger hunt around the firm that ended with a positive pregnancy test hidden in an esky. In the fourth dimension of a single gasp, becoming a father again two decades after the fact moved from loftier concept to very, very real.
Back to sleepless nights, nappies, mashed pumpkin into carpet, schoolhouse goddamn lunches and option-ups, eventually wrangling a teenager until I'thousand past lxx. A massive mid-life loss of me-time.
I won't lie; as the nascence loomed, the Rational, Sensible World occasionally coughed in the groundwork of my mind. People gave me looks when I broke the news or calculated how old I'd be at the 21st; an obviously pop vision of this broken, white-haired erstwhile man with an ear trumpet to the side of the phase.
What if they were right? What if I was too former for this crazy gamble? What if I can't 'play' because of ageing joints? What if I don't have the earning capacity to back up a new child? What if I resent my empty-nester friends touring the world while I struggle with maths homework? What if children'due south Television receiver is even worse now than it was when my boys were watching Barney theencarmine Dinosaur dorsum at the turn of the millennium? Oh God.
And then my wife gave birth. To a daughter.
And all of those fears and doubts evaporated in the moment I held her in my artillery for the first time and looked into her eyes.
The photo with this story is from that moment. Our daughter and I, together for the offset time. I haven't included my tears as my wife met our daughter. The sheer joy. The unguarded pure love that accompanies a birth.
Our girl. A whole new adventure and born into an age of female person empowerment.
Also probably my last adventure to have a child who might play for Richmond FC, merely allow's not put too much pressure on her likewise early.
A little sister for my boys.
An absolute rocket-shot of joy, it has turned out, for my entire family unit. Our daughter.
And that feeling hasn't stopped. 7 weeks in, we're at present starting to get shy footling smiles, forth with a mount of nappies (course record: four in five minutes). We run on the fumes of occasional sleep.
Nonetheless I am strangely at-home and composed, even afterwards half dozen-hour bursts of inexplicable grizzling and crying from a normally chilled baby girl. My wife and I are a solid team – and yes, of course she does the heavy lifting. Permit'south non child ourselves here.
But the sometime human has some moves, remembered from long ago. Muscle retentiveness of teasing out a burp remains from the '90s. Rocking motions are like I never stopped using them. Dragging my arse out of bed at 4am to warm a bottle feels entirely natural.
Is this being an older dad that I have lived enough life that being tested for hours doesn't bother me? Is it because she is a niggling gnaw who is more often than not calm and settled, and then the tough days have gaps for residue? Is it exactly as information technology was ii decades ago, but I tin't quite remember? I'thousand not entirely sure. I do know that all thoughts I had of her plumbing equipment into my normal life have gone out the window pretty quickly. Ice hockey, footy, all exercise is on hold, and every other aspect that isn't work or home. But it's temporary. And information technology's worth information technology.
I find I tin spend an hour only gazing at her, in my arms. Or property her impossibly tiny feet in the palm of my mitt. My wife rolls her eyes at my globe's all-time-practice method of getting her to sleep by cradling her on my chest in bed until she'south heavy and soft and making tiny cooing sounds. I could stay like that for days.
It's as I remembered it, yet totally new. It's amazing and I am so lucky that I've been given this gift.
I'm all in and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I admire you lot, little 1.
Source: https://thenewdaily.com.au/life/relationships/2018/09/01/becoming-an-older-father/
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